Dear Bagel Salesman,

Thanks for our conversation.

I will be transcribing it in my upcoming book How To Turn Mildly Uncomfortable Sexual Harrassment Into Awkward Fake Misunderstandings That I End With Knowing Looks.

Me: Oh, poppy seed, thanks.

Him: Poppy.  That’s a good lookin papi, eh?

Me: Oh. Puppies. There are puppies next door.

Him: No. I said poppy.  That’s a good looking PAPI.

Me: I know what you said.

Taking back the night, one pun deviation at a time,

Cirocco