December 2010
24 posts
3 tags
l.m.
Dear Lesser Mortals,
I am writing you this from a plane. THIS IS A LETTER SENT FROM THE HEAVENLY ORBS OF THE GLORIOUS SKIES.
You’re welcome, plebeians,
Cirocco
1 tag
b.c.c.b.
Dear Beacon’s Closet Clothes Buyer,
I don’t know why I’m offended that you don’t want to buy things like the bright pink prom dress I found three years ago or the Miley Cyrus brand shirts a co-worker gave me.
Affronted,
Cirocco
1 tag
t.b.
Dear Transformer Baby,
Sweet plastic armor with a front door (slash refueling station) around your stroller.
More than meets the eye,
Cirocco
1 tag
w.l.t.g.o.t.c.o.b.a.n.8.
Dear Whoever Left Their Glove on the Corner Of Bedford and North 8th,
It is still there and doing okay.
A concerned citizen,
Cirocco
3 tags
s.c.j.m.r.m.
Dear Strand Customer Judging My Reading Materials,
Look, I didn’t pick this up because I found it provocative.
I picked it up because I felt like I’d discovered Dr. Seuss’s secret porn career.
WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME ABOUT THIS,
Cirocco
Post Script: I just naively did a google image search for Cummings. Bad form, internet.
1 tag
t.d.
Dear Tony Danza,
So here’s a normal and common fact you probably get all the time.
When you google search the Italian aria “Danza Danza, Fanciulla Gentile” but use shorthand and accidentally leave it in image search mode, here’s what you get:
Pleasantly surprised,
Cirocco
4 tags
c.s.a.
Dear Coffee Shop Attendant,
It’s a hip coffee shop and you have sweet different non-chainy ceramic mugs. The beautiful woman before me was given a pretty amazing and intricate artsy cup and you put my hot cocoa in this guy:
I get it, universe,
Cirocco
2 tags
p.w.f.t.l.t.
Dear Priest Waiting for the L Train,
27 minutes until the next train!
HLWJW (How Long Would Jesus Wait),
Cirocco
2 tags
e.g.
Dear Equinox Gym,
Eff you guys for taking over what was my AWESOME gym and wanting a billion more dollars. And also judging me for wearing borrowed sweatpants three times too big that I tucked into my underwear and no shoes.
Homelessly,
Cirocco
3 tags
p.p.
Dear Potential Photographer,
Now who’s the potential photographer?
Going to get caught/Stepping up my creepy,
Cirocco
1 tag
m.
Dear Misinformed,
You said:
It had nothing to do with evil, I’m afraid of E.T. and he eats Reese’s Pieces.
I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but even evil things eat Reese’s Pieces.
They’re delicious,
Cirocco
2 tags
u.p.
Dear Unsuspecting Passenger,
It was early on a crowded train and I could not stop thinking about dancing all up in your grill.
Listening to Girl Talk before 9am can be dangerous(ly awesome),
Cirocco
1 tag
r.
Dear Reader,
This is what I read over your shoulder:
‘Tis thou,’ exclaimed the gatekeeper, ‘come from the gatekeeper’s cot!’
I think it was a sci fi novel but from that glimpse it could also have been super hot cross caste porn where the protagonists pour mead all over each other.
Any excuse to bring up mead,
Cirocco
2 tags
s.
Dear Santa,
Sweet ups.
Had to call someone to make sure that was a sports term,
Cirocco
2 tags
j.c.c.d.
Dear J. Crew Children’s Department,
Henceforth please make it more apparent where the adult and children sections separate.
Baby blazers, Batman!
Cirocco
2 tags
w.f.c.
Dear Whole Foods Cashier,
You jokingly (seriously) asked why I was trying to steal the chicken three times while I put it in my bag before you had rung it up.
Getting steadily worse at daily social interactions,
Cirocco
2 tags
d.c.s.
Dear Defeated Comedy Salesman,
When this failed:
Do you want to see a LIVE comedy show?
You tried:
What about a DEAD comedy show?
I’m sorry you’re going through this right now,
Cirocco
2 tags
m.
Dear Man,
You probably thought no one could hear that you were listening to My Heart Will Go On.
I guess I just thought you should know that we can. Everybody can.
Warmly,
Cirocco
1 tag
g.w.o.s.s.f.n.a.r.o.t.t.
Dear Girl Who Often Started Smiling For No Apparent Reason On the Train,
That’s what I usually do while I listen to my fun radio programs but I thought it would look weird if we were BOTH doing it.
Forcing a neutral expression,
Cirocco
2 tags
c.w.a.s.v.o.h.t.e.h.m.
Dear Child With a Skewed View of How to Earn Holiday Money,
You pitched to your grandfather:
How much will you pay me to scream at the top of my lungs?
Know your audience,
Cirocco
1 tag
d.h.o.t.t.a.2.i.t.m.o.a.s.
Dear Drunk Hipster on the Train at 2 in the morning on a Saturday,
I was reading a Suze Orman finance book.
How you like me now!
Fiscally responsible, even when it’s ridiculous,
Cirocco
3 tags
k.i.t.s.h.s.
Dear Kid in the Shark Hooded Sweatshirt,
I hope you don’t think you’re a shark. The teeth on the hoodie around your face mean you’re you, getting eaten by a shark.
The tooth hurts, reality bites, et. al.,
Cirocco
2 tags
f.g.c.
Dear Five Guys Cashier,
Thanks for making Five Guys a safe, non-judgmental space.
Brought four tubs of ketchup back to my table,
Cirocco
2 tags
h.a.a.
Dear Hairdressers Against AIDS,
Can I be against AIDS even if I am not part of your particular subset?
PeopleWhoEatBurritosEveryOtherDayAgainstAIDS.com,
Cirocco